HHMI Newsgroup Archives
From: Steven Berkowitz
To: heb_roots_chr@hebroots.org
Subject: For Believers during the ballgames today
HUMOR TO END THE YEAR WITH A LAUGH
If you're a football fan, you'll like this...
"Church Football"
Quarterback Sneak - Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.
Draw Play - What many children do with the bulletin during
worship.
Halftime - The period between Sunday School and worship when
many choose to leave
Benchwarmer - Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently
do anything but sit.
Backfield-in-Motion - Making a trip to the back (restroom or
water fountain) during the service.
Staying in the Pocket - What happens to a lot of money that
should be given to the Lord's work.
Two-minute Warning - The point at which you realize the sermon
is almost over and begin to gather up your children and belongings.
Instant Replay - The preacher loses his notes and falls back
on last week's illustrations.
Sudden Death - What happens to the attention span of the
congregation if the preacher goes "overtime".
Trap - You're called on to pray and are asleep.
End Run - Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any
guest or fellow member.
Flex Defense - The ability to allow absolutely nothing said
during the sermon to affect your life.
Halfback Option - The decision of 50% of the congregation not
to return for the evening service.
Blitz - The rush for the restaurants following the closing
prayer.
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From: Ephraim Frank
To: heb_roots_chr@hebroots.org
Subject: funny story
Hi! Because I'm orginally from Wisconsin, someone sent me this little
story. Have a blessed week, Ephraim
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A Farmer's Divorce
A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a
divorce.
The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."
The attorney said, "Well, do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."
The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No, you don't understand. I mean do you have a
grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John
Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on
Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well, sir, does your wife beat you up
or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU
WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful
conversation with her."
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