From:          Tim Browne
To:               heb_roots_chr@mail.geocities.com
Subject:      JOKE: Jesus and Barney


                    JOKE: Jesus and Barney


    A four-year-old girl was at the pediatrician's office for a check-up. As
the doctor looked into her ears with an othoscope, he asked, "Do you
think  I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent.

   Next the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat.
He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"
Again the little girl was silent.

  Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her
heartbeat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in here?"

"Oh, no!" the little girl replied, "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my
underpants!"

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>
>
>From:          Rhonda Steiner
>To:                heb_roots_chr@geocities.com
>Subject:       Joke: Forrest Gump and heaven
>
>
>                           Heavenly Entrance Exam
>
>The day finally arrived:  Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
>He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself.  The gates are
>closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
>Saint Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you.  We
> have heard a lot about you.  I must inform you that the place is filling up
> fast, and we've been administering an entrance exam for everyone. 
>The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into
>Heaven."  Forrest responds, "It shore is good to be here, Saint
>Peter.  I was looking forward to this.  Nobody ever told me about
>any entrance exams Shore hope the test ain't too hard; life was a
> big enough test  as it was."  Saint Peter goes on, "Yes, I know
>Forrest.  But, the test I have has  only three questions.  Here is
>the first:  What days of the week  begin with | the letter 'T'?
>Second, how many seconds are there in a year?  Third,  what is God's
>first name?"  Forrest goes away to think the questions over.
>Forrest returns the next  day and goes up to Saint Peter to try to
>answer the exam questions.  Saint Peter waves him up and asks, "Now
>that you have had a chance to | think the questions over, tell me your
>answers."  Forrest says, "Well, the first one, how many days of the
>week begin  with the letter 'T'?  Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be
>Today  and Tomorrow.  The saint's eyes opened wide and he
>exclaims, "Forrest!  That's not  what I was thinking, but... you do
>have a point though, and I  guess I didn't  specify, so I give you
>credit for that answer."  "How about the next | one?" says Saint
>Peter, "How many seconds in a year?"  "Now that one's harder," says
>Forrest.  "But, I thunk and thunk about  that, and I guess the only
>answer can be twelve."  Astounded, Saint Peter says, "Twelve!
>Twelve!  Forrest, how could you | come up with twelve seconds in a
>year?"  Forrest says, "Shucks, there gotta be twelve:  January
>second, February  second,  March second......."  "Hold it,"
>interrupts Saint Peter.  "I see where you're going with it.  And I
>guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind.
>I'll give you credit for that one too."   "Let's go on with the next
>and final question." says Saint Peter, "Can  you tell me God's first
>name?"  Forrest says, "Well, shore, I know God's first name.
>Everybody knows  it. It's Howard."  "Howard?!" asks Saint Peter.
>"What makes you think it's Howard?!"  Forrest answers, "It's in the
>prayer."  "The prayer?" asks Saint Peter, "Which prayer?"  "You
>know, The Lord's Prayer," responds Forrest:  "Our Father, which art
>in Heaven, Howard be thy name..."
>

From:          Jim Roberts
To:            <heb_roots_chr@geocities.com>
Subject:       RE: Joke:  Forrest Gump and heaven

G-d's name isn't Howard. It's Andy. Didn't you ever sing, "Andy walks
with me, Andy talks with me along life's narrow way..."

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