From: Paul Jablonowski
To: "Hebraic
Heritage Newsgroup" <heb_roots_chr@geocities.com>
Subject: Deliver e-mail
A mother was teaching her 3 year old daughter the Lord's
prayer. For
several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night
she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she
carefully enunciated each word right up to the end "Lead us not into
temptation" she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen".
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From: Rhonda Steiner
Subject: Talking to God
To: heb_roots_chr@mail.geocities.com
Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of
a
meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he
pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.
"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What
can I do for you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million
years like to you?"
Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God
responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. "A million years
to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."
"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to
you?"
"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."
"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous...
can
I have one of your pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."
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From: Rhonda Steiner
Subject: Joke: Where is God?
To: heb_roots_chr@mail.geocities.com
A couple had two mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10, who were
always getting into trouble. Their parents could be assured that
if any mischief occurred in their town their sons were in some way
involved. The parents were at their wits' end as to what to do
about their sons. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had
been successful in disciplining children, so she asked her husband
if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the
clergyman. The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do
something before I really lose my temper!" The clergyman agreed to
speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually.
The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat
the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the
question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman
raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face,
"WHERE IS GOD?"
At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home,
slamming himself in the closet. His older brother followed him
into the closet and asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God
is missing and they think we did it."
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From: Glema Leatherman
To: heb_roots_chr@geocities.com
Subject: Joke: Speek Kills
A hip young man goes out and buys a brand new Blue 1998 Bugatti
BMF14. It is one of the most expensive exotic cars available in the world,
costing about $500,000.
He takes it out for a spin, and while stopping for a red light, an
old man on a mo-ped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next
to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and
asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 1998 Bugatti BMF14. They cost about a
half million dollars!"
That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it
cost so much?".
"Because this car can go up to 240 miles an hour!" states the cool
dude proudly..
The mo-ped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice
car, all right!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man
what his car can do. He floors it, and within 16 seconds the speedometer
reads 220 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror.
It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly,
whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Bugatti?!" the young
man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot cooming toward him.
Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And
it almost looked like the old man on the mo-ped!
"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a mo-ped out-run a
Bugatti?!".
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh...........
Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the
rear end.
The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!!
Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are hurtin'-for-certain.
He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're badly hurt! Is
there anything I can do for you?".
The old man moans and replies, "Yes, Unhook my suspenders from
your side-view mirror!".
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From: Kent Ragsdale
Subject: Jokes: Questions without good answers
To: heb_roots_chr@geocities.com
QUESTIONS WITHOUT GOOD ANSWERS
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk I have a work station...
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with
battery?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly,is
a fog horn made out of?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
"Quit while you're ahead"?
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm
in the bathroom.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge
of everything outdoors?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you.
Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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