From:     Torah/Commentary:  Parashat Vayetze (Genesis 28:10-32:3),
               Commentary on the Weekly Torah Reading for 11 Kislev, 5760 (November
               20, 1999) by Rabbi Shlomo Riskin


Torah/Commentary:  Parashat Vayetze (Genesis 28:10-32:3)

Commentary on the Weekly Torah Reading for 11 Kislev, 5760 (November 20, 1999)

by Rabbi Shlomo Riskin
Chief Rabbi of Efrat;

EFRAT, ISRAEL,  Yom Revii (Fourth Day - "Wednesday"), 8 Kislev, 5760
(November 17, 1999):  Jacob's father-in-law, Laban, is
considered one of the most treacherous figures in the Torah.  Lavan is
pictured as a sweet-talking rogue who loses no opportunity to deceive his
immigrant and naive son-in-law - whether it be out of his rightful bride or
out of his rightful wages.

Our Sages, in the Passover Haggadah, even paint him with a more ignominious
brush than they paint Pharaoh: "Come and hear what Laban the Arami (Syrian
and /or deceiver) tried to do to our father Jacob.  While Pharaoh only
decreed against the males, Laban sought to uproot everything (and everyone)".

At the same time, however, the ritual liturgy of the marriage ceremony
created by our Sages who composed the Haggadah, has chosen to immortalize
Laban's farewell words to his sister Rebecca when she leaves his home to go
with Eliezer and Isaac's bride-to-be:  "Our sister, may you become (the
mother) of thousands of myriads, and may your seed inherit the gate of
their enemies".  [Genesis 24:60]

It is with this very blessing that millions of grooms for thousands of
years have placed the veil on their brides face just prior to the wedding
ceremony itself in a ritual called "badeken" (covering in Yiddish).  If
Laban is so evil, why quote his words at such a significant moment?

I believe that we can resolve this paradox by attempting to understand the
motivations behind Laban's acts of deception.

Laban's primary concern is the welfare of his immediate family, his
children and grandchildren. To this end he will stop at nothing, since in
his system of values "all is fair in love for one's children".

Hence he has no problem in substituting the weak-eyed Leah for the
beautiful Rachel under the marriage canopy, for no father would want to see
his older daughter languish for lack of a suitable husband.

He changes Jacob's wages "ten times" because he must foster Jacob's
dependency on him if Jacob's family is to remain with Lavan and not leave
Syria (Aram Naharayim) for Israel (Canaan).  Lavan could well argue that
there is no financial security for his children in Jacob's ancestral
homeland, and Esau is probably waiting at the gate to ambush and destroy them.

From the very first words Laban utters to Jacob -- "surely you are my bone
and my flesh"  [Genesis 29:14], to his concluding pact at the end of their
relationship "lest you degrade my daughters or marry other women in
addition to them"  [Genesis 31:50], Laban constantly evokes the primacy of
family.

Laban is himself our most multi-sided "patriarch", since his grand-father
Nahor was father Abraham's brother, he himself is mother Rebecca's brother
(and thereby Father Isaac's brother-in-law) as well as his being the father
of Mothers Leah and Rachel and thereby the father-in-law of Father Jacob.
Laban boasts an impeccable pedigree and proudly wears on his lapel the
motto of his life:  "blood is thicker than water".

Is it any wonder that his words are evoked at the beginning of a marriage
ceremony when a new family is about to be created?

However important a role family plays in the election of Abraham, it may be
legitimately argued that Abraham and not Adam or Noah was chosen as the
first Patriarch of Israel because he was to transmit continuity to three
generations, a tri-dimensional connectedness lacking with the previous
Biblical greats.  It is family for the sake of faith transmission, not
merely family for the sake of family.

Abraham was chosen by G-d to convey the message of ethical monotheism, the
faith in a G-d of righteousness and justice Whom he himself had discovered,
first to his family, but ultimately through the nation he was to father, to
the entire world:  "for through you all the families of the earth shall be
blessed".

The critical importance of the faith as the true goal of the family is
built into the Divine charge:

"For I, G-d, did know (love) him (Abraham) in order that he command his
children and his household after him to keep the way of G-d to do
righteousness and justice..."  [Genesis 18:19]

Family for the sake of faith.

Laban accepts the importance of family, but he has no clue as to the
mission of the faith.  Much the opposite, he is more than willing to
sacrifice the faith ideals on the altar of his commitment to family.  He
deceives, lies and cheats -- the very antithesis of righteousness and
justice -- in order to marry off an unpopular daughter and to keep his
children and grandchildren in his own back-yard.

Laban denies the Ruler of the Universe when he wishes to make a pact in the
name of all of the gods of
the family, the gods of Nahor as well as of Abraham.  Jacob understands
that this would be pure idolatry, and he therefore ratifies the covenant by
swearing only in the Name of the one feared by his father Isaac (Genesis
31:58).

Our Sages understand that had Laban succeeded in keeping Jacob and his
children in Aram -- thereby allowing family ties to overwhelm their faith
in ethical monotheism -- the ensuring assimilation would have de-railed the
purpose of the Abrahamic election, aborted the mission of Israel, and ended
Jewish history almost before it began.

Laban's perverted ideal of 'family uber alles' had the power to uproot
everyone and everything desired by G-d
and Abraham.

When I was growing up, it was still quite rare that young Jews married out
of the faith.  When it did happen, it was an occasion for a major crisis,
if not mourning.  The healthy instinct of Jewish self-preservation
understood that the death-knell for the Jewish people is the form of
assimilation which leads to intermarriages.

It is false to characterize an intermarriage as a wedding between a Jew and
Christian.  It is generally a wedding between a secular American of Jewish
descent with a secular American of Christian descent.  Hence, as large
segments of Jews have not only become less religious but even less
ethnically Jewish, it is no wonder
that inter-marriage is on the rise:  35% in Latin America, 55% in the
United States and as much as 80% in many countries of Europe.

Obviously, I am not speaking of a situation in which one of the partners
undergo a serious conversion.  "Jews by choice" are to be welcomed into
Judaism with love and pride, as the Biblical Scroll of Ruth -- whose heroes
live in Efrat -- testifies.

The Jewish community worldwide is no longer even shocked by a mixed
marriage.  In the Sunday Times, such wedding announcements no longer raise
an eyebrow.  We've moved from the shock of my parent's generation to
the benign acceptance of my generation, to the active endorsement of the
next generation.  In a recent most popular off-Broadway production called
Beau Geste, the still ethnic Jewish mother comes to accept her daughter's
fiance (of German Gentile descent) because, after all, at least his name
sounds Jewish, he pretty much "looks" Jewish, and he's studying to be a
doctor!

In the final analysis, the argument always offered is:  "for the sake of
the family we must be willing to compromise our faith".

But who is speaking here?  Is it Laban or Jacob?  From what we've seen in
this week's portion, Laban's concept of family seems to be on the rise in
our age.  Laban says, Family must come first, last and always, faith plays
no real role.

Jacob's order of priorities is different.  First must come the shared
vision of our people, our collective ideals of Torah ethics, values and
rituals.  These must be emphasized way before our children grow to young
adulthood.  Only then have we the right to expect a proper choice of mate.

Jacob's is the solution for the ages.  His children survived as the
children of Israel, Laban's didn't.  We don't even know their names!
 

Shabbat Shalom from Efrat,

Rabbi Shlomo Riskin

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